


50-50

by astudyinfic



Category: Cut & Run - Madeleine Urban & Abigail Roux
Genre: A typical night out for Ty and Zane, Almost-bar brawl, Established Relationship, Homophobia, Humor, M/M, The dreaded V word
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:35:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26408830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astudyinfic/pseuds/astudyinfic
Summary: When the two of them enjoyed a night out, the odds were even that someone was going to get arrested.At least, tonight, it wasn't them.
Relationships: Zane Garrett/Ty Grady
Comments: 14
Kudos: 30





	50-50

"So, which one of you's the lady?"

Neither Ty nor Zane responded at first, because who would be talking to them? They'd decided to take a weekend away from home (definitely _not_ a vacation) and no one here knew them. They weren't being obvious as a couple. They were just eating dinner at some admittedly sketchy bar but with Ty's flannel and Zane's beat-to-hell leather jacket, they didn't stand out at all. 

Ty was in the middle of a story about Kelly Abbott and the autopsy from hell, a story that was turning Zane's stomach even as he laughed until tears formed in his eyes, and neither of them paid any attention to the man until he slammed a hand down on the table between them. "I said, which one of you's the lady?"

They both looked up at him, eyes impassive but Zane's hand was ready with a knife if need be and Ty could take this man down before the drunk ever threw a punch. "I beg your pardon?" Ty asked, the incredulity in his voice making his accent all the thicker. 

"You two is clearly screwing so which one of is the man and which one is the woman here? I'm betting you the woman. You get that pretty look to you." He gestured at Ty whose face distorted so much at the insult paired with a compliment that Zane barked out a laugh, despite the situation. 

"Not looking so pretty right now, though, doll," he drawled, giving Ty a wink.

Ty winked in return and they turned their attention back to the man. "You do realize that the whole point of a gay relationship is that there are no women, right? I mean, bisexual in our case but I really don't expect someone like you to understand the difference." The man's brow furrowed and Ty grinned, pointing at it. "See, I was right. Now fuck off and leave us alone. I was telling a story and I hadn't even gotten to the bit about the intestines."

"Intestines?" Zane's face turned positively green and he looked at the asshole drunk who stood gaping at them, unable to process the strange turn that this conversation had taken. "So, tell me. Why do you think one of us is, and I quote, 'the woman'? I would be fascinated to hear your evidence of that fact."

It took a moment for the man to process what Zane just said and he straightened up, clearly thinking they actually wanted to listen to him. All more evidence for just how moronic the man was. "You two fuck, right?" he asked, getting right to the point. 

Zane was glad he hadn't been drinking something when the man asked that. Ty would never have let him live it down. 

"Yes, we do. As often as our jobs allow," Ty told him, features alight with mischief and glee. It was a look that generally had their coworkers running for cover and Zane looking for the nearest flat surface to lay Ty out on. "But, that doesn't explain how you reached your oh-so-intelligent conclusion."

"Well, it has to go somewhere, right? Whoever's getting fucked, that's the woman."

Ty pursed his lips, thinking hard about that for all of five seconds. "So, if that were true... Zane, that must mean we're both women. Fuck, Zane! Are we lesbians? Why didn't anyone tell me? Do I need to go change out my queer card.?"

Chuckling, Zane shook his head. "No, doll. Remember, Clancy took our cards away." 

"Oh thank god. That would have been embarrassing. I hate when people don't tell me important things about my own preferences when it comes to sex. It's almost like most people think it's none of their business. Thank god this man here had the courage to come and tell two feds - one a Force Recon Marine even! - that they are both actually women just because they fell in love with one another. A round of drinks on the hero of the hour, don't you think?"

All around them, people were laughing. Partly due to Ty's antics because he was a natural performer and partly out of discomfort. Maybe making a scene in the middle of a redneck bar in the middle of nowhere was not the right idea but they didn't start it so Zane felt confident they had right on their side this time.

Previous bar brawls were about fifty-fifty in their favor.

The man who disrupted their night had paled when Ty told them who they were. Zane hoped he would just turn and walk away but when had stupid people ever done what was best for them? "So ya admit it then?"

"Admit what? That I'm a woman? Can't say that's something I've ever been called. That I'm gay? Again, bisexual but like you have any concept of that in your tiny little mind. That I'm having sex with this handsome example of a man here? Well, not currently as I'm stuck in a conversation with you. So, how about for everyone's sake we just part ways so I can get him back to the hotel and you can go back to doing whatever it is you fill your meaningless existence with."

"See!" the man said, turning to the other patrons. "I _told_ you they're fucking fa..."

Zane had his knife out and in front of the man's face faster than the drunk could register. "I don't recommend you finish that sentence if you wish to keep your tongue." 

The man sputtered and gaped, casting his gaze around to anyone who might step up and help him. Everyone was, mysteriously, looking anywhere but at him. "Are you...? Are you going to let him talk to me like that?" he finally asked Ty. 

Ty leaned back in his chair and sipped his beer, not moving an inch to help the man. "Well, see, I would. But my boyfriend there has a terrible temper and I really would prefer him to direct it at you. And then he can direct it at me later." He shot Zane a wink who laughed and rolled his eyes. "Besides, you were the asshole who couldn't keep his mouth shut and had to ask idiotic questions. You can't really expect me to help you. I don't deal with stupid if I can help it. That's what I have him for."

"Did he just call you stupid?" 

Zane rolled his eyes. This man was all kinds of brilliant, wasn't he? "No, I'm the one who deals with stupid. Now, do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way." 

The man held up his hands and started to back away. Ty nodded in his direction. "Now, would you look at that. He is capable of making good decisions after all."

"I'm calling the cops. You assaulted me!"

Ty and Zane both pulled out their badges at the same time. "Seriously, what part of _Federal Agents_ did you not understand?" Zane slipped his knife back where it belonged. "We have a room full of witnesses that will testify that you started the whole altercation. So, please, call the police if you want, but it's only going to waste our time and theirs. And I had plans for this evening that didn't involve you."

The man nodded and started to walk away. Ty turned back to Zane, grinning from ear to ear. Because of course, he was. Things like this were the best time ever for Ty while Zane just found them exhausting. Ty was just about to open his mouth, probably with a snide comment when the man spun around to take a swing at Ty. 

Who caught his fist and in an impressive move, had the man down on the floor with his arms behind his back. "Now that wasn't very smart, was it. Before, the most you were looking at was drunk and disorderly, if someone here felt like calling the police. But now you've got assaulting a federal officer, and you know, I don't think you're going to get off that easy." 

"Don't say that while you're pinning me to the ground," the man complained, not knowing when to shut up. "That's disgusting."

"Says the man who was drinking, picked a fight with to feds and then tried to punch a man when his back was turned. I think at this point I can say whatever I damn well like." Ty looked up at Zane as he spoke and Zane handed over the handcuffs he had in his back pocket. "Do I even want to know why you have those on you, darlin'?"

Zane snorted. "Because if the two of us are going out, odds are even that someone is getting arrested that night. Usually, the only question is which side of the cuffs we are on. Call it being optimistic but better safe than sorry."

While he looked like he wanted to argue for a moment, Ty eventually shrugged and hauled the guy to his feet. "Someone call one of the people down at the county lockup and have them send someone over. We're just going to leave him here in that booth until they get here, that alright with you?"

The bartender nodded, barely concealing his grin. Privately both Ty and Zane wondered if this man was a persistent thorn around here. Maybe he just made the terrible mistake of picking the wrong people to torment that night. If that was the case, Zane didn't feel bad at all pressing charges. Not that he would feel bad about it either way. The man threw a punch at Ty. He deserved whatever was coming to him. 

Ty stuck the man in a booth where they could both keep an eye on him and then went back to eating. "Do you really carry cuffs on all our dates?" 

"Not so much anymore," Zane said with a shake of his head. "But call it a hunch, but I thought we might need them tonight. I mean, we are on vaca..."

Slapping a hand over Zane's mouth, Ty pointed at him. "You shut your damn mouth, Garrett. That word is forbidden for a reason." 

"What word? Vacation?" asked the drunk from the booth.

Zane threw a french fry at him, which wasn't exactly professional but he was done with the man and his stupidity tonight. "Ooh, you going to fill the paperwork out on that?" Ty grabbed a fry from Zane's plate, laughing even as he asked the question. 

"Why? Why would I do that?"

"I don't know. I had to fill out forms for throwing your gun. You should fill out forms for throwing a fry!"

"Doll, you are ridiculous and I love you." Zane leaned across the bar, ignoring the drunk man groaning in disgust as he gave Ty a quick kiss. 

Ty returned it happily then pulled back and scoffed. "You better love me, asshole. I almost got into a bar brawl because of you."

"Not the first time, not the last time. Has nothing to do with why I love you." They continued to bicker good-naturedly, ignoring the complaints of their prisoner until the police showed up. "Officer," Zane said, approaching the woman as she stepped into the bar. He held up his badge and back at the table, Ty did the same. "This man attempted to assault a federal officer. We have no intention of pressing charges, but perhaps a night in a cell might teach him some manners."

Her eyes followed his to the man who was trying to make himself as small as possible, curling inward and avoiding her eyes. The office sighed and shook her head. "Well, it has never helped him in the past but maybe this time will be the first? Come on, Frank. I have a nice clean cell with your name on it."

"You don't understand! It wasn't my fault this time! They was being indecent and I tried to stop them." 

The officer looked at Ty and Zane for a moment before rolling her eyes. "They seem alright to me. If anyone else wants to back up your statement, they know where to find me." She tugged Frank out of the booth with considerable strength. "You two enjoy your night. He won't be troubling you anymore."

"Thank you, ma'am," Zane said with a nod, making sure his accent came out thicker than usual. Ty was worked up and needed an outlet. Zane knew that better than anyone, and he was more than happy to be that outlet in whatever form that took. "Call us if you have any questions."

She took Zane's card and led the drunk Frank out the door. Neither man felt too bad about what had happened. Perhaps if they had instigated it, they would have, but they were on a weekend away and just wanted to be left alone. For once, none of what happened was their fault and there was no way McCoy could get mad at them. At least not logically speaking.

Though, when it came to them, McCoy was less logical and more frustrated. They deserved that, usually.

Zane turned back Ty, a smile tugging at his lips. "I think I've had all the excitement I can handle for the night. Ready to head back to the hotel, doll?" 

Ty growled under his breath and tossed some money on the table, not really looking at how much other than to confirm that it covered the bill and tip. He stalked past Zane, not even glancing back at him as he stormed out of the bar. Zane grabbed his coat and followed behind. People were whispering, staring at them though neither man cared what they had to say. They probably thought Ty was mad and Zane would need to grovel, though, for what, they probably didn't understand. 

What they didn't know was that both men were in quite good moods and the moment the door of their hotel room closed, Ty had Zane pinned against it. Frank the drunk, all the people in the bar, everything was forgotten aside from one another. Work, the world, and people's idiotic beliefs could wait until morning. 

The rest of the night? It was for them.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I read something similar to this and I don't _think_ it was in canon. So if this has similarities to someone else's fic, I am sorry.


End file.
